10 Biggest Problems Men Have With Their Significant Others


Despite the picture-perfect impressions we get from upbeat Facebook posts or boastful holiday letters, even the healthiest marriages aren’t 100% free of conflict. At some point, virtually everyone feels wronged by a romantic partner. Bob Navarra, PsyD, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), says that those feelings aren’t what throw a marriage off course-it’s how couples handle them. “While it may be frustrating that the toothpaste cap was left off, happy couples talk about these small things,” he says. But when those emotions are swept under the rug, a more toxic variety of negativity begins to fester: resentment. Here, marriage experts share some of the most common reasons husbands resent their wives and how to protect your relationship.

1. Not fighting fair.
Happy couples don’t necessarily fight less, Dr. Navarra says; they just fight better, by “describing their own feelings and needs rather than labeling their partner as faulty.” And the ball is probably in your court for that. Research shows that wives are more likely to bring up problems for discussion, while husbands are more likely to withdraw at the first sign of an argument. When this keeps happening, women tend to start conversations on a negative note, which only makes things worse. Instead of resorting to personal attacks-“You’re such a slob!” “We’re going to be late because of you!”-which lead to defensiveness, Dr. Navarra recommends sticking to “I-statements,” such as “When (this happens), I feel (frustrated,

2. Treating him like a child.
“A big issue I see in couples is a man resenting his partner because he feels she talks down to him,” says Mary Kelleher, LMFT. This can leave him feeling “less-than,” and nothing triggers resentment faster than inadequacy. So avoid threatening his independence-the way pressuring him to go for a promotion so he’ll bring home more money may be perceived-suggests couples therapist Vagdevi Meunier, PsyD. “No one wants to feel ‘managed’ by a spouse,” Dr. Meunier says

3. Involving other people in your marriage.
What you might think of as harmless complaining to friends and family can actually break your husband’s trust. It threatens the safety of the “couple bubble” you’ve created together. “Men find this humiliating and hurtful,” says Norene Gonsiewski, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), a couples’ therapist at the Portland Relationship Center in Oregon. If you really need to vent, consider talking to a doctor or therapist to keep things confidential.

4. Not showing appreciation for thing he does right.
“Men will never ask for it,” Gonsiewski says, but regular doses of praise are important. “They need to hear that their wives are proud of them.” Scott Haltzman, MD, author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women, notes that men tend to be more action-oriented than women, which means they show affection in different ways. “He may empty the dishwasher as a way of saying he cares about you.” Haltzman’s suggestion: “Pay attention to what he does, and let him know you notice.”

5. Withholding sex as punishment.
While women generally need emotional intimacy to make love, men express emotional intimacy through sex, says Marla Taviano, author of Is that All He Thinks About? When a wife turns down sex, in her husband’s mind, “she’s turning him down as a person,” explains Taviano. Using sex as a bargaining chip to get your needs meet isn’t negotiating-it’s emotional blackmail, which can alienate him. “Withholding sex may make your partner feel less love from you and give you less love in return,” says Dr. Haltzman.

6. Trying to change him.
“Every person can change, but it’s better to focus on our own changes, rather than our spouse’s behaviors,” says Anne Ziff, LMFT, author of Marrying Well. And yet, some women see marriage as a starting point for a “husband makeover.” This isn’t all bad-studies show that married men tend to eat healthier and have fewer problems with drugs and alcohol than single guys-but avoid creating a relationship in which your husband can’t be himself. “When a man feels his home is not his castle, and he can’t just be a guy-whether it’s walking around in his boxers or letting out a burp-he’ll feel like he’s been put in a box where he has to act prim and proper all the time,” Dr. Meunier says. Sometimes, it’s smarter to let the little things slide.

7. Making important decisions without his input.
Research shows that money is a top source of disagreements among married couples, even those with bigger budgets. In a lot of ways, money equals power, and balancing power is important to harmonious relationships, Meunier says. Whether you’re considering booking a vacation or buying a dishwasher, your partner deserves a say. The same goes for decisions that affect how you and your husband spend your time, such as inviting company over for dinner or signing up your kids for soccer. Although it may seem simpler to beg for forgiveness instead of getting him on board, unilateral decision making can drive you two apart.

8. Not giving him the chance to be the kind of dad he wants to be.
Mothers often parent differently than fathers, but not necessarily better. For instance, some studies show that parenting styles more common with dads, such as rough-and-tumble play, offer children unique developmental benefits. “Men’s resentment grows as their children develop with gaps in their competency and independence, two attributes men rate highly,” Gonsiewski says. “When a woman doesn’t trust her husband to parent she sends a message that he’s wrong and only she’s right.” Instead, “reinforce your husband for the positive contributions he makes to your children’s lives,” Dr. Haltzman recommends.

9. Acting jealous when he looks at other women.
Men are visual creatures, Dr. Meunier says, so it’s not surprising that a typical heterosexual man would notice a good-looking woman. “Women who understand this and don’t take it personally minimize unproductive fights about jealousy.” When a wife overreacts to a situation, her husband will likely feel defensive, and eventually, resentful. Dr. Meunier’s advice? “Chill out.” Responding to a visual cue isn’t cause for worry, she says-curious comments or behaviors, like dropping your hand to head across the room to talk to another woman, could signify a lack of commitment to you.

10. Expecting immediate forgiveness after you apologize.
Studies show that seeking and granting forgiveness greatly contributes to marital satisfaction and longevity. But beware of empty words. While apologizing manages conflict, Dr. Navarra says a simple “I’m sorry” often isn’t enough. To truly earn her husband’s forgiveness, a wife needs to show that she understands why her husband is upset. Dr. Haltzman recommends being specific about what you’re apologizing for, accepting responsibility for what you did, acknowledging that you what you did was harmful and lastly, asking what you can do to make it up to him. “If you’ve gotten to the first three steps cleanly, most men will say ‘forget about it’ to the last question,” Dr. Haltzman says.

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Breast Massage A Part of Breast Cancer Awareness


20130126-110759.jpgrBreast Massage A Part of Breast Cancer Awareness
Content brought to us by DR. KAT
I know what you’re saying, “Dr. Kat are you trying to create a cheap thrill out of a monthly breast exam?” My answer is yes and no. While yes, I do believe self breast exams and even getting your partner in on the action can be a nice compliment to your overall breast care (nothing substitutes how a woman knows her own body and follow up with her medical care), there are actual proponents out there that say breast massage can actually keep your breasts healthy.

Dr. Ben Johnson, of the The Secret fame, is an expert in breast health, author of the book The Secret of Health: Breast Wisdom and the founder of the International Cancer Foundation. He has worked to merge traditional and complimentary perspectives when it comes to taking care of your tatas. Dr. Johnson believes that maintaining breast circulation is critical in breast health.

Dr. Johnson reminds us that circulation gets oxygen to the all important breast tissue. Low oxygen has been related to cancer on a physiological level. Dr. Johnson’s blog gives these directions: “when you go home, take your bra off and massage your breast. Put your hands on your chest and rotate in a circular motion a few times with the tips of your fingers. Then go the other direction. Even while the bra is on you can do this. Find a private place while you’re at work or while you’re out of the home and do this three or four times a day.”

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Make first date amazingly unforgettable


If you’re excitedly looking forward to your first date with a new partner, the last words you want to hear are “dinner and a movie”. First dates are a chance to really get to know one another, not to mention impress your new partner with your creativity and original thinking. For anyone looking for fun, creative and exciting first date ideas, here are some simple tips on how to plan an unforgettable first date.

Take a fresh approach on an old idea
Dinner dates, popcorn and a movie. Old-fashioned dates do have a lot of charm but they can start to feel a little tired and over familiar. Give old-fashioned dates a makeover with a fresh take and a fun, new vibe.

Instead of heading to your local cinema, make the most of the great outdoors and choose one of the many open-air parks.

Try a new cuisine
First dates are nerve wracking experiences at the best of times. So, why not take the opportunity to try something completely new together? Most cities have a multicultural and diverse restaurant scene, with everything from Korean to Japanese, Modern Canadian to German. Agree on a cuisine that you’re both completely new to and try your hand at a new dining style, whether it involves tricky chopsticks or the cheeky antics of a night at teppanyaki.

Take a doggie date
Both have pets? Then why not make the most of your beautiful natural surroundings and bring your animals along? This is a great way to get you out of the stuffy, same old restaurants. Plus, spending time with a person and their pets can tell you a lot about their personality.

If you’re a pet lover and are looking to find singles who share your interests, online dating is a great place to start. Relationship sites like http://www.eharmony.ca allow you to get to know people in your area, so you can organise a fun date with your pets ASAP. To find out more about whether eHarmony is the right online dating site for you, why not visit the eHarmony Google+ Page today to learn more about it?

Be a tourist in your own city
Sometimes when you spend all of your time in the same place, it’s easy to overlook the fascinating history and sites your home has to offer. A great first date idea is to share a self-guided walking tour around your hometown or a nearby destination. From the beautiful the art galleries of Your area to antique shops there’s much to love about a date on your own doorstep.

What ever you choose simply make it memorable.

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It’s been a long time


Ok it’s been a long time I shouldn’t have left you without a dope blog to read thru….. Yep I am back and just like the rapper Eric B I just paraphrased I failed to give you what I promised. So I will be returning with my blogs on many topics. So subscribe, share, repost. No matter what thanks for being patient. Come check me out on Facebook.

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Ways to Make Your Fall In Love With You Maybe Again


3 Ways to Make Him Fall For You

Have you ever found yourself falling for a man you were dating and wondered if he was feeling the same way? Did you find yourself trying to prove what a great catch you are by being sweeter, funnier and smarter in hopes that he would fall in love with you? Focusing on what a man wants and ingratiating yourself in this way may feel like the natural thing to do, but it’s the worst way to try to make a man feel romantic love for you.

Love isn’t a reasonable emotion – and being “nice” and “understanding” and “a good sport” won’t get you where you want to go. Here are some ways that will:

Tip#1: Don’t give a man more than he gives you.

Love, and inspiring a man to fall in love with you forever, is all about you being able to receive love.

Most of us only know how to give. We give for lots of reasons – because we’re taught that’s the way to get to a man’s heart (it isn’t) because we see other women do it, and because deep down, it feels uncomfortable and scary to be vulnerable enough to really get love.

“A man is actually turned off when he gets more from you than he gives.”

A man is actually turned off when he gets more from you than he gives. When you shower him with affection, attention, dinners, gifts, and always go out of your way to drive to his place, it makes him think of you as a mother or a friend instead of inspiring his emotional desire for you.

Tip #2: Don’t give away exclusivity if he hasn’t yet committed.

We become totally, emotionally invested in a man when we’re exclusive with him because he has all our time and attention. There’s no way we can stop wondering about where the relationship is going. But the more we think about it and talk about it, the more we push a man away.

3 Ways to Make Him Fall For You

When you can think of it in these terms, it’s easier to keep your options open and keep your personal power in the relationship. Rather than talking about the relationship or threatening him with ultimatums, you can continue to keep your options open by dating other men. This way, you keep your class, your power, your boundaries, and he has to work to get you!

Tip#3: Don’t give him gifts, make him dinner or pay for dates.

Yes, this sounds unfair, and yet, who pays is often the difference in his mind between friends hanging out together and a “date.”

If a man complains about paying for everything, let him know you don’t care what you do, you feel great being with him, and you don’t want to pay. Walking, hanging out in bookstores, having a picnic in a park can all be fun, romantic ways to get close to a man.

(And forget about cooking dinner, or trying to make dating “reciprocal.” A bowl of popcorn and something to drink is fine.)

When you give a man gifts, give him all your attention and energy, and give MORE than you receive, you’re OVERFUNCTIONING.

Overfunctioning is doing more than your fair share and stepping up to rescue a man because you know you can do a better job. It’s arriving from your masculine energy. It feels aggressive and forward to a man. And it’s totally unattractive to him.

How can I relieve stress? Six simple ideas.


How To De-Stress

stress busting tips

Everyone experiences stress occasionally.  Unfortunately, a growing number of people are struggling to cope with stress that is chronic.  Be proactive!  Unaddressed, the symptoms of stress can affect your health and emotional well-being.  Put yourself at the top of your to-do list and incorporate these natural stress relievers into your daily life.

Exercise

At the end of a stressful day it can be hard to force yourself to go to the gym.  Your need to find something you will do on a consistent basis.  How about a walk around the neighborhood before dinner?  Spend 30 minutes on an exercise bike, treadmill or rebounder while you watch a program on TV or listen to some of your favorite feel good music.  .  Once you’ve formed the habit it will be easier to continue.

Sex

(I’m sorry did you say SEX!)

Sex is one of nature’s best stress relievers.  It can also be considered a form of exercise for those of you who are looking for an alternative to suggestion #1.  Do yourself and your partner a favor and make sure you’re including sex in your weekly activities.  A decreased sex drive is one of the symptoms of stress. However lower your stress by manually increasing your sex.

Sleep

Make sure you’re getting enough sleep.  It’s common to develop trouble sleeping when we’re under stress.  Make sure you take time to relax for 30 minutes before heading to bed.  Listening to soothing music or sounds of nature is helpful as well.

Massage

Muscle tension, pain and headaches are all classic symptoms of stress.  Massage can relieve the muscle tension thus easing the pain and headaches it causes.  Consider it health care of the most basic kind.  Make room in your schedule for a massage ASAP!  Remember your partner may want to give you that massage it will help them relieve their stress and may even lead to another stress reliever (see #2).

Meditation

Meditation is about learning to empty your mind and shifting your focus from stress to tranquility.  These are many types of meditation so do a little research and find what will work for you.

Crying

A study by the University of Minnesota found that the chemicals that emotional stress builds up in your body can be removed through your tears.  Another recent study puts the number of those who experience stress relief and improved mood after a good cry at just below 90%.  You may not be able to let go in the midst of the stressful situation but don’t fight the urge to give in to those tears later.  They can be healing.

 

How do you relieve stress? let me know in a comment below.

Rituals become habit become unconditional statements of love. Whats your ritual?


Romance Routine

A love ritual is something you do that is part of an established routine. The couples that take the time to create a love ritual find their relationship more loving and full of romance. If you’ve been looking for a way to create a new spark in your relationship, a love ritual might be just the idea for you.
Create a lasting ritual to help keep romance a permanent part of your relationship.

Love Rituals

If this is something you’d like to try, the task of finding the perfect love ritual should be fairly easy. You can do anything from something as common as watching a favorite T.V. show at a set time every week to a more elaborate idea of reserving the day of the week you met as a special, all-out date night. Your options are truly endless! For more creative, ritual ideas, read the love rituals below that other Lovingyou.com couples are doing right now!

Everyday Rituals

“Every time we pass by or even get close to each other, we kiss and hug to tell each other how we are grateful we are that we met.” -Candace Martin

“Every single night we make sure we cuddle on the couch together, make love anywhere and everywhere in the house, and then shower together and fall asleep in each other’s arms. I love it!” -Tiana

“We always go to bed earlier than we need too, light candles and just talk, or whatever comes to mind!” -Suzanne

“Every night before my boyfriend and I go to bed, we ask if we have had our hug today. If not, we give each other a great big hug and a kiss, and tell each other ‘I love you’ and I fall asleep in his arms.” -Anonymous

“We make sure we talk to each other every night before we go to sleep.” -Anonymous

“My boyfriend and I enjoy watching the TV show “Friends” together. No matter what we are doing in our apartment, surfing the net or reading a book, we both stop at 6:30 and watch our TV show together. It’s great to have something we can laugh at together.” -Cori

“We pray every night together!” -Brooke

“Matt and I tape All my Children and watch it together every night after we come home from work. We also like to cook together, and we talk and ask how each other’s day went. To me, it’s extra special when we do things together. It creates memories and closer ties to each other.” -Megan

“We give each other cute love quotes every morning.” -Maha

“We take a midnight swim in the pool in the nude every night before bed.” -Donna

Weekly Rituals

“Every Friday night, my partner and I stay out and cuddle and look at the stars together while I kiss his neck.” -Holly

“We meet every Sunday (when both of us are free) at her apartment and spend the whole day together. We talk, go out to movies or dinners, cuddle up in front of the TV, and have fabulous sex at night. These love rituals keep the enthusiasm levels high and keep our relationship alive and roaring.” -Sanmon

“He doesn’t like to watch Dharma and Greg, but every Tuesday night he will cuddle up with me in bed and watch it with me.” -Texasgirl

“Even though it’s not always weekly, my husband and I love Barnes & Nobles bookstore. We take our son to story time and always get one of their Frappucinos. I had to go yesterday without him, so I skipped the Frap. It just wasn’t the same without him.” -Pab

“We first started dating on a Tuesday night, so we call it ‘Special Tuesday.’ This is a night for treating each other to a candlelight dinner, watching a movie or walking on the beach.” -Alvern

“We have been married almost 43 years. We spend each evening before dinner–out on the patio listening to our old favorites (music of the fifties) with a martini or a lovely bottle of wine. We TALK a lot. Dinner follows. Then, what ever will be, will be. You can only imagine. We love each other to pieces.” -Mary

“We spend every Sunday together, and we rent movies and just cuddle on the couch.” -Summer Santagto

“We take a walk every weekend.” -Gina

“My lover and I make it a habit to sit down together every Saturday and have a lovely breakfast for two. Both of us contribute to it. He makes the coffee and gets the juice, sets the table and I cook. No newspapers are allowed at the table and no television. We usually play something classical on the CD player. Breakfast usually takes about 2 and a half hours. Quality time with quality refreshments and quality music. We find it strengthens the bonds between us and gets us in the right mood for facing the rest of the world.” -Trish

“We always leave Sundays for us. Sometimes we do no more than watch TV all day. Whatever we do it’s our day.” -Lisa

Bedtime Rituals

“We say ‘I Love You’ before going to sleep each night and every morning!” -Adam Olgin

“Every night before we go to bed, we tell each other our goodnight message, ‘Goodnight, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite, sweet dreams, I love you!” -In Love

“My sweetie says goodnight to me a certain way every single night. His pet name for me is Vikkybear. He says, ‘Goodnight my little Vikkybear, I hope you have sweet, sweet dreams.’ Then, he kisses me and hugs me. It’s something I look forward to every night. Even when he was away for a week, he called me every night to say that to me.” -Vikky

“Every night before we go to sleep, he kisses my hand. To me it is a sign of total respect and love.” -Ashley

Long Distance Rituals

“My boyfriend and I always make sure to call one another before we go to sleep at night. It’s a way for us to end the day knowing that one another is safe and tucked tight into bed. We also make sure that we never go to bed angry at each other. It’s better to talk it out than to drag it out till the next day.” -Laciebug

“My love ritual is having a phone date at 9:00pm every night until our voices start to crack early in the morning. That way we are the last person on each other’s mind.” -Tiey Lopez

“Our ritual is every night right before we go to bed, we send each other what we call “sweet stuff.” It’s just a little message telling the other how much we love them, how much we enjoyed the time we had together, and give each other wishes of a good night, and sweet dreams and pleasant day to come. It’s seems weird now, but I’m so used to having them, that I can have trouble sleeping on nights when they aren’t possible.” -Jen

Random Rituals

“Take a bath together.” -Woods

“When I come home after a great night with my honey, I flash my porch light three times before he drives off. (It means I LOVE YOU.) Then, he flashes his car lights 4 times to say ‘I LOVE YOU MORE!'” -Brittni

“We give each other a really good massage at least once a month.” -Loretta

“Since we live apart, whenever he takes me home he always opens the car door for me and then waits for me to get in. I smile at him until he shuts the door, even if it’s freezing cold or raining.” -Danielle

 

Leave me a comment on what your rituals are or would be. If you don’t have any tell me one you would like to have.