Reignite the passion

Bring Sexy Back

Remember when you wanted nothing more than naked time with your man – all the time?


The good old days

You remember the passion of early on in your relationship… spending all day long, simmering with longing… looking forward to nightfall when you could see your mate and rip his clothes off.

Those were the days. Now, if you want to get hot, you lean against the stove.

“Women especially shut down sexually after being with a man over time because their heart gets wounded and the man doesn’t know how to heal it. A woman’s heart is connected to her womb. If her heart is wounded, it will close. If her heart is closed…her legs are closed,” says couples counselor Jane Fendelman, MC ( She supports the use of tantric sex and the ancient healing arts in bridging the gap.

Show your love

Staying sexy and keeping the romance alive is intrinsic to making it last. Nicole Matthias, president of, says some ideas to resuscitate romance are:

  • Leave a love note– Leaving a note for your love is a thoughtful and easy way to let them know that you’re thinking about them. Just leave a little note on the bathroom mirror, refrigerator, in their briefcase, etc that says something sweet such as “Have a good day!” or “I can’t wait to see you tonight” or even “Will be thinking of you today.”  This unexpected find can not only brighten their day but remind them that you love them.
  • Surprise dinner – Instead of picking up takeout on the way home, plan to make their favorite meal and eat it with the TV off! Light candles and set the table with the good china and get a nice bottle of wine. The time you put into it is what makes it special.
  • Send an e-card – There are lots of sites that offer free e-cards and all it takes is a few minutes during your lunch break to pick one, personalize it and send it off. It’s a welcomed interruption to their gazillion junk mail, conference reminder emails and customer emails.
  • Lingerie fashion show – You can do it all in one night or for an entire week. Ladies, you can try on lingerie and do a little runway walk or sexy dance. Keep changing outfits while he admires your body in each one. Add some edibles into the mix for a few outfits or special hands on feature. Gentleman: Pick out some lingerie items that you want to see her in and have her model them for you. We want to know what you like!
  • Sexual adventure – Instead of leaving Hershey kisses in the shape of a heart on the bed, try chocolate body topping. Make it romantic and sexy by taking your time licking it off their body from top to bottom. When you spend time adoring their body you let them know that you truly care about them and their pleasure.
  • Don’t wait – Don’t wait for a special occasion to do something romantic. It’s almost expected and therefore loses some of its meaning. You want to surprise them with something small but thoughtful that expresses your love in a different way than usual. Reminders of your feelings for your lover won’t go unappreciated!
  • Bring In some friends- I’m talking about sexual enhancers, adult toys or massage oils. Sometimes adding something a little extra can cause you to linger on your lover’s hot spots a little longer. There are a number of products that are great for couples.  I recommend a vibrating erection ring.  It helps him to last longer while providing her with maximum pleasure.

Man and Woman KissingThe relationship is a person, too…

Lisa Steadman, a relationship journalist for The Breakup Chronicles, and author of It’s a Breakup Not a Breakdown says: “Whether you’re married for years, have children, and/or just feel the spark is waning, it’s important to reignite that spark. You may need a shift in thinking. First, start thinking of your relationship as a third party. You, your partner, and the relationship are all active members of the same triangle. Not only do you and your partner have needs, but your relationship has needs. If you neglect it, you lose the spark.”

How do you reclaim the spark? She advises: “Make time for slowing down, i.e. turn the TV off, set aside time to not talk about the kids, the bills, the debt, work. Talk to the other person about them. Light candles, listen to soft music, touch without being sexual. Just BE together. Kiss. Be kind, nurturing. Give back rubs. Go on a date. Invite play into the bedroom. Whether that’s cuddling, toys, sexy lingerie, whatever works for both of you. Don’t always make this time about sex. Sometimes in order to get back to sex, you need to first get back to loving and being loved as a couple. Stimulate your senses to stimulate the sexual/sensual appetite.”

How men are like puppies

“In a way, men sometimes are like cute pet puppies. A man would much rather roll around in the mud or dig holes in the yard than spend time making his relationship better,” Dr. McClary says. “Now I am not saying men are like dogs or that they should come panting when you whistle. I am saying that many lessons about living with men can be learned from observing ever-faithful canine companions. All obedience schools are based on the reward system, so it’s probably worth applying some of their basic principles.”

Dr. McClary also has seven tips to keeping romance alive:

  • Have a weekly date night. Take turns deciding what each of you would like to do each time. Have fun being together, just the two of you, for a few hours each week. Go out to eat, on a picnic, for a walk, play miniature golf, to the office and fool around, go bowling, and on and on.
  • Drop it! Let go of all the past crap he’s put you through. Start fresh, right now. Begin making new memories. Discover each other all over again. After all, he’s dating a new, wonderful, wild woman. Let the woman be fully present on your “dates.”
  • Be passionate! No more little pecks on the check, little shoulder top hugs, or weak “love ya’s.” Come on you empowered woman! Go the distance. At least once a day, kiss him like you really mean it. When you hug each other, make sure you give a full-blown, juicy, full body bear hug (stiffness or tense hugging does not count). When he says “love ya,” stop what you are doing, walk over to him, look him in the eyes, and say “I love you, too. I mean I really do love you!” Enjoy the feelings this invokes
  • Go the extra mile. Leave love notes, send cards, take him out to dinner, dance with him or for him, make him lemonade and cookies — do something a little extra, just for him, and just for the heck of it.
  • Notice him. When he comes home, stop for a minute and welcome him home. If he’s home before you, acknowledge his presence in a loving way. Remember, you are healed and whole now. This will make you feel good, like you are giving him the precious gift of being loved by you.
  • Take vacations together. Make sure that at least one vacation, even if just for a weekend or one full night, is just for the two of you.
  • When you feel you and your man have finally developed Real Love, get married again.Jim and I went to Las Vegas to the Mission of the Bells chapel. It was great. The re-marriage package included a limo with a bar and TV (I had to promptly confiscate the remote), the church service, minister, music, flowers, and champagne. It was perfect! All that was missing was an Elvis impersonator to “give me away!” We honeymooned at Caesar’s Palace. The best part was that my ever-awakening husband planned every bit of this. A Real Love marriage, and honeymoon — aah, life doesn’t get much better than that.

    It's your man do him when you want him

What do fear and sex have in common?

Terri Orbuch, PhD, better known as television and radio’s Love Doctor (, who specializes in marriage, modern dating, love, and sex, offers the following tips:

  • Add a new or exciting element into your life. When your marital sex life is in the doldrums, an effective remedy is get you and your partner excited–out of bed. This could be anything from skiing to taking a cooking class to going on a mystery date. It transmits the subliminal message of freshness, energy, and unpredictability–just what you want in the sack.
  • Be afraid–be very afraid. Plan an activity that scares the living daylights out of you and your partner. Go on a roller coaster ride or see a scary movie. Studies show that activities producing fear and excitement produce hormones associated with sexual arousal.
  • Practice small endearments. Make an effort to kiss him when you see him. Hold hands when you go out. Snuggle while you watch TV. Studies show that people feel more connected to their partners when they hold hands, hug, kiss, and cuddle. This closeness leads to more and better sex.
  • Surprise him with an erotic email. Send your partner a sexy email or give him a call out of the blue in the middle of the day. Showing your guy that you’re hot for him, even during your busy day, is very exciting to males.
  • Reacquaint yourselves. When was the last time you two talked about something other than work and family? Ask him about his dreams. Ask him to tell you about his favorite pre-marriage vacation. Get to know him again just like you did on your first dates. It will work wonders on your love life.
  • Get a tune-up. There’s nothing wrong with relationship workshops. In fact, there are so many fun ones these days that you and your guy might just want to make it an annual event. The whole point of these events is to get two people loving again. Take a tip or two from pros–that’s what they’re good at. You change your oil every 5,000 miles, don’t you? Why not put a little effort into your sex life and relationship?

Help him stay in love with you

Often the hardest aspect is trying to understand what the man in our life is thinking. Michael French, author of WHY MEN FALL OUT OF LOVE: What Every Woman Needs to Understand, explains why men fall out of love, and offers tips on how to bring some excitement back into any marriage or relationship.   In his book, French presents a fascinating look at men’s deepest feelings, identifying the key issues that can unravel even the tightest bonds, and has even identified the four top relationship busters:

  • Loss of intimacy – when a man feels rejected by his partner;
  • The quest for validation – which stems from low self-esteem, and a man’s continual search for approval and acceptance;
  • The perfection impulse – the tendency of men to mask low self-esteem with achievement;
  • The fading of attraction – when men tell their partners they’re no longer attracted to them, they’re masking the real reason for their loss of interest – that they’re not getting enough love.

“Libido is like a muscle — use it or lose it! That means you have to make a habit of lovemaking. The more you do it — the more you’ll feel like doing it,” says Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D, a psychologist who specializes in relationship coaching. So, ladies, you heard the doctor, go out and get some “exercise.”

If that fails, there’s always chocolate.

Lingerie: What guys say about your sexy nightwear

Silk, Leather And Lace

Lingerie: Is it a good investment or a waste of money? Read on to find out what guys really think about your sexy nightwear.

Woman wearing lingerie

Women know that men are visual creatures. But is it worth it to shell out tons of money for sexy lingerie, or are you better off just prancing around in your birthday suit? It depends on the man, but for most guys, you can’t go wrong with a sexy little outfit or two.

Just for him

Yes, you’re putting it on just so he can take it off, but it’s really the same principle as wrapping paper. It’s all about the anticipation of removing the lingerie. When you dress up in something sexy, it’s like a present from you to him. He’ll know that you picked out the lingerie just for him, and he’ll know you put it on to please him. That makes him feel like a million bucks.

Lingerie makes it special

You’re busy, and so is he. Some days, it’s hard enough to squeeze in a quickie, let alone make it a big production. When you put on a piece of sexy lingerie, it makes the sex feel like an event and not an afterthought. It doesn’t have to be every time, but every now and then, lingerie is a nice touch.

What it does to you

You probably don’t realize this, but one of your guy’s favorite things about lingerie is what it does to you. When you put on a piece of sexy lingerie, you feel sexy and feminine — and it’s obvious. That confidence is hot and makes him want you even more. Slip into something that makes you feel awesome and strut your stuff. That’s a gift in itself.

What type should you pick?

The possibilities are endless. Some men like a woman to dress up naughty in leather and lace. Others like a more innocent silk cami with matching bikini underwear. Some guys are a sucker for G-strings and see-through bras, while others would rather you not be so revealing. All it takes for some fellas is a matching set of skivvies. Find out what your man wants. Browse catalogs and websites together, then buy something similar to what he points out. Better yet — go shopping together for lingerie. The trip itself will be like an afternoon of foreplay, so don’t be surprised if you don’t get around to putting it on when you get home. Don’t worry – you can save it for another day.

10 Things guys want from women

Universal Truths About What Men Look For

You may think that a man’s mind isn’t that complex in comparison with your own, but sometimes we experience those strange things you women call “emotions,” too. (Yep, it’s true.) So here, very plain and simple (kinda like our minds) are 10 little things we want from you, but are often too darn stubborn to ask for.

what men want from women


Admit it — you saw this one coming. Yes, we want sex. Often. In fact, just about any time and any place. But there’s more to it than just sex. We also like other signs of your affection, so hold hands with us or give us a spontaneous hug.

2Honest reactions

Don’t fake it with us. We can tell when you do.


Men want to be complimented just as much as women do. When we look good, tell us.


Make us laugh! A sense of humor is a wonderful thing, and a woman with a good one is extremely appealing.


We want you to accept us as we are, not think of us as someone you can renovate. Yes, we have faults — but look past them. We want you to accept us for the men we already are and are working to become.


There’s no real basis for a relationship without honesty, and it starts when we first meet. If you’re truly interested, don’t start out playing hard-to-get.


Don’t crowd us. Men like time and space with their friends, and even time alone. Women who require men to spend every minute with them need to get a life of their own.


Go ahead and express yourself. Your man may not always agree with you, but it probably makes him proud that you can stand up for yourself. Strong women are sexy!


If you love your man, believe in his dreams as much as he believes in yours. Don’t just believe support him you never know where it may lead.


If you can’t trust each other, the relationship is doomed. Take his word for it and don’t constantly check up on him or try to trick him. Trust is respect, and both parties in a relationship deserve to be respected.

Biggest Dress Up Don’ts

If you’re still looking for the perfect Halloween costume, we urge you to stay away from the following options. For every amazing, clever costume choice, there is one glaringly offensive costume that should best be avoided at all costs. We’re sure there are countless offensive ways to dress up on Halloween, but we listed some of the ideas that really caught our attention.


Sorry, but this one is never going to be appropriate. Dressing up as a Nazi or sporting an Adolf Hitler moustache and swastika-emblazoned outfit might seem hilarious, but it actually errs more on the side of offensive. The Holocaust is no laughing matter and to model your costume after someone who committed so many atrocities is not acceptable, even if it’s supposed to be just for fun.

Note: “Sexy” Nazi is an even worse choice.

Sexy Nazi

2Any recently deceased public figure

While you may think you’re merely paying your respects to a celebrity or pop culture icon you loved, there is a certain amount of time that needs to pass before you turn that person into a Halloween costume. We know people do it — they think it’s funny — but dressing up as someone who only just recently passed away is not only inappropriate, it’s also disrespectful. We’ve all heard the saying “too soon” when it comes to making jokes about something tragic — the same applies to Halloween costumes.

Amy Winehouse

3Anna Rexia

We recently laid eyes on a costume made to resemble a woman suffering from an eating disorder. It was a black, body-hugging mini dress featuring bones painted on the front and a tape measure around the waist. Needless to say, we were speechless that something like that could exist and even more shocked that someone thought it was a good idea to wear it. Eating disorders aren’t funny; they are actually a serious medical issue that shouldn’t be relegated to an off-color Halloween costume.

Anna Rexia

4Pregnant nun

This one speaks for itself and definitely has the potential to rub a few people the wrong way. We once saw a woman dressed up as a Jack Daniels-toting, heavily pregnant nun. While not offensive to everyone, it still has an air of inappropriateness about it. If you are going this route, maybe keep it amongst friends, versus trying it out at the office or work Halloween party.

Pregnant nun

5Any “sexy” stereotypes

The first one that comes to mind is a “sexy” Native American, which is really just in poor taste. Dressing up as any racial stereotype is bad enough and offensive to many, but adding in the “sexy” factor (as mentioned earlier in association with the Nazi costume) simply amps up the inappropriate factor, or maybe even doubles it. Even if something seems funny, think about whether it might be disrespectful to those around you before you wear it.

Sexy Native American